| one mississippi, two mississippi ... |
[Dec. 12th, 2010|12:07 pm] |
We have missed the annual New Year corporate party on account of our beloved Alice hiding my wallet ... again. She likes to take mission-critical items (i.e. keys, cell phones, wallets) and hide them throughout the house, often in hard-to-find places (e.g. casseroles in cupboards, buckets in closets, etc.).
This time it was particularly painful - we went shopping for sexy evening clothes for Nadia, got a babysitter and were very much looking forward to seeing my colleagues, some of whom Nadia would be meeting for the first time.
Yes, we do try to put our gear in hard-to-reach places, but our precious Alice is quite the climber. And I have a confession to make: I was very close to water-boarding the tyke last night, because I knew she hid it. I do not normally lose wallets -- I am disciplined and I pay attention to detail.
Yet, there is a bit of fatherly pride at play here, folks. The fact that my dear girl could surreptitiously climb on top of something that is twice her height, grabbing what is essential to us and hiding it in an inconspicuous place, without us noticing it, bring tears to my eyes. This is some clandestine, 160th SOAR (A), work here. If we can only teach her how to use the bathroom, sky is the limit. |
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| public service announcement |
[Dec. 9th, 2010|06:10 pm] |
Folks, do you know how many of you have sent me the link to this story? Well, many. Too many. So, I feel the need to clarify:
1. I cannot be responsible for all the crazy things that Armenians do.
2. I am not particularly interested in Armenians.
3. I do not read, write or speak Armenian.
4. I have been to Armenia only once, when I was 6 years old.
Thank you so much and please have a great day. |
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| mommy |
[Dec. 1st, 2010|08:04 pm] |
My Mommy came to help us with the baby and we took her to work. While we were waiting for dinner, she saw a piano and did what she always does when she sees a piano. You can see a litte bit of Alice and Nadia's legs. Why do I think that you will care? I have no idea. |
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| i am looking for a business analyst for my team |
[Nov. 9th, 2010|09:50 am] |
As a Contract Business Analyst, you will be working with multiple stakeholders across Google Enterprise to define impactful metrics and analyze data in order to make better business decisions, enabling Google to become more sophisticated in our approach to increasing our market penetration for Enterprise products. You will be responsible for translating data into meaningful interpretations and recommendations and then implementing process improvements. The metrics and analyses you develop will serve as a key input in strategic planning and decision-making for growth for Google Enterprise products.
Responsibilities:
1. Partner with Product, Sales and Operations stakeholders to provide insightful analysis to drive sales growth.
2. Develop key metrics for each product and set up evaluation and reporting infrastructure.
3. Forecast sales goal attainment.
4. Perform data cleansing/data improvement tasks.
5. Pull and model data in order to create quantitative models including forecast, operational, financial and statistical models of business dynamics.
6. Implement process improvements.
Requirements:
1. BA/BS preferred with a strong academic record and at least three years of work experience.
2. In-depth experience analyzing data and creating reports with strong Excel, statistical, quantitative modeling and forecasting skills.
3. Proven experience in identifying opportunities for business improvement, and defining and measuring the success of those initiatives.
4. Ability to pull data from multiple sources (or strong willingness to learn). Experience with data mining preferred.
5. SQL, VBA, MS Access skills a plus.
Please send resumes to asoyan@google.com. Thanks! |
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| i have a question |
[Nov. 5th, 2010|06:01 pm] |
Do you know how much does the Pentagon pay, on average, to put a gallon of fuel into a combat vehicle or aircraft in Afghanistan? I was appalled at the number, knowing that combat vehicles and aircraft are not celebrated for fuel efficiency.
Answer. |
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| i am in moscow |
[Oct. 31st, 2010|12:41 pm] |
Moscow is so amazing! Where to go and what to see? |
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| у меня только один вопрос |
[Oct. 26th, 2010|12:17 pm] |
Какой алкогольный напиток везти в Россию в виде подарка? Спасибо огромное за совет! |
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| clean and jerk training |
[Aug. 6th, 2010|09:23 pm] |
I will be most grateful if anybody knew a trainer in the Bay Area, who could teach me how to do a perfect clean and jerk.
I will be happy to pay whatever and drive a reasonable distance. Thank you! |
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| the secret of happiness is renunciation © |
[Mar. 14th, 2010|01:33 pm] |
Есть несколько моментов, которые мне не дают покоя. Галстук при рубашке с коротким рукавом. Когда представляются по схеме фамилия-имя, а не наоборот. "Здравствуйте, я Петренко Анатолий." Когда нет пробелов после знаков препинания. Либертарианцы, который учатся в государственных университетах, типа Беркли.
Какое мне, собственно, до всего этого дело? |
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| unacceptable |
[Mar. 7th, 2010|09:05 pm] |
The Hurt Locker was so bad that, despite my frugality, I had to walk out after about 40 minutes. To add insult to injury, the director dedicated her Oscar to the men and women in uniform. I have no words.
Allow me to elaborate. For what little I have seen of the movie, I found it to be tactically unrealistic to the point of absurdity. An Army Ranger EOD senior NCO, normally the paragon of discipline, caution and good sense splits up his group of three soldiers and goes chasing the enemy, at night, in a city that is not really controlled by the US military. Nobody has radios, the EOD team travels alone and conducts missions at will. Casevacs were conducted by UH-1 Hueys, which were not used since the Vietman War. The sniper duel was beyond ridiculous -- it simply has to be seen to be believed. Worst part: they shoot Ralph Fiennes for no good reason. The only hope they had for a decent movie gets a round in the chest after about 3 minutes.
Disgustingly, Barbara Streisand said "the time has come" [for the first female director to win the Oscar]. Fuck that -- who gives a shit who wins it, as long as it is purely on merit. Sorry, this is desultory and haphazard, but I really need to get some sleep. Good night and I wish to wake up in the morning and not give a fuck about this Academy Award nonsense. |
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| please help! |
[Feb. 11th, 2010|08:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | GBus | ] |
| [ | .mp3 |
| | mc solaar (paradisiaque) | ] |
I have to learn French well and quickly for work. Please tell me what is the best way to learn this highly fucked up language? What worked for you? Thanks! |
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| i need your collective wisdom |
[Jan. 19th, 2010|10:58 am] |
Dear All:
I am looking for a smallish photo camera, which can take high quality pictures and video. It has to be relatively small, so as to fit into my pocket, but high quality enough for decent YouTube videos. Any ideas? Thanks!
After doing about 3 minutes worth of research, I am liking the Canon PowerShot SD780 IS in gold. Yeah? |
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| 2009 |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|11:29 pm] |
1. Realized that I can have a respectable, civilian job and be somewhat happy doing that for the rest of my life.
2. Realized that being a parent is about selfless service and daily sacrifice and that I can get used to that, too.
3. Realized that a person with a Harvard or Wharton MBA can be as unintelligent as a box of hammers. Shocked!
4. Realized that a lot in life is about timing. Place and time decide destiny for most. I can struggle against that.
5. Realized that all I want professionally is to be one of the best experts in my field and not much else matters.
6. Realized that I really have to focus on not giving a fuck. Like, concentrate on that. At all times and stuff.
7. Realized that I can learn how to thrive in chaos and that nothing lasts. Nothing at all.
Please have a very happy and lucky 2010. Love and kisses. |
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| naked run at the uc berkeley library (right now) |
[Dec. 15th, 2009|11:27 pm] |
At the end of every semester, students at the prestigious University of California at Berkeley participate in the honored tradition known as The Naked Run, wherein they run inside of the library, essentially, in the nude. It is our understanding that this display of salaciousness can serve as emotional relief during the trying period of final exams.
Our Senior Education Correspondent Nadini is sending you some ( nakedness ).
NB Unrelatedly, I have, like, a ton of Google Wave invites. If you want one, please let me know what email address do I send it to. Thanks! |
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| дети растут |
[Dec. 14th, 2009|08:20 pm] |
Малышка за минуту так запрограммировала мне клавиатуру на Маке, что я бился часа два, чтобы всё вернулось на место. Извините, кроме семьи и ребенка больше ничем не занят: про работу тут нельзя, а про семью никому неинтересно.
И если бы я не смотрел The Wire, я бы точно сошел с ума.
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| sales finance analyst |
[Dec. 2nd, 2009|11:03 pm] |
I am looking for one talented, experienced and motivated sales finance analyst for our team. We prefer somebody with at least 3 years of fulltime experience, quantitatively gifted and able to quickly and accurately analyze data and create sales reports.
Please be a spreadsheet ninja, with stellar statistical, quantitative modeling and forecasting skills. Experience with data mining, SQL, VBA, MS Access, along with a rock-solid undergraduate/graduate education, is mandatory.
You will be responsible for translating data into meaningful interpretations and recommendations and then implementing process improvements. The metrics and analysis you develop will serve as a key input in strategic planning and decision-making for growth for Google Enterprise products.
This is urgent, so local (SF Bay Area) candidates are preferred. The position is in Mountain View, CA. I am at asoyan@google.com and I will be happy to answer questions about this role via email and/or phone. Thanks! |
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| lord be praised! |
[Oct. 6th, 2009|01:38 pm] |
Beloved Verizon Wireless and even more beloved Google will be making Android phones together. I cannot wait for this to happen, so I can finally drop this disaster called iPhone, along with the absolute worst service called AT&T, like a bad habits that they are.
I have ~20% dropped/failed calls with the iPhone, on top of which Apple does not want me to have Google Voice. The day of reckoning cannot come too soon. |
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| лох это судьба |
[Jul. 22nd, 2009|07:40 pm] |
Хотел худеть и склонялся к вегетарианству. Пробежал 3 мили немедленным шагом, а на ужин подавали самое вкусное, что есть на свете - ( мясо молодого барашка ). Несдержался и теперь тихо ненавижу себя. |
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| rsa conference in san franisco |
[Apr. 9th, 2009|07:19 pm] |
If any of you are coming to the RSA Conference in San Francisco between April 20 - 24, please stop by the Google stand and I will give you a light-up key chain.*
*While supplies last. |
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| why weddings and aks don't mix |
[Mar. 22nd, 2009|11:03 pm] |
Folks, sometimes I wonder if there are limits to human stupidity and I keep coming to the answer that our idiocy has no bounds and it is as vast as the known Universe. The above video depicts a father of a bride, who accidentally shoots his daughter's groom in the head with an AK rifle. If holding an automatic weapon in an unsafe manner, with a finger on the trigger, round in the chamber and safety off, can be called accidental. Kills him dead, too.
Sometimes I am lost for words. This is one of those times. Please stay alert and have a safe week. |
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| damn, just damn |
[Mar. 9th, 2009|07:59 pm] |
Folks, after six months of using Mac, I am working with an IBM ThinkPad loaner. Damn, I am in awe of the marketing, sales and PR prowess of the Microsoft machine: to engineer such a fucking disaster of an operating system and to be so successful at making money off of it.
Have any of you been using a Mac for over a year and then happily switched back to Windows? Is there such a case in all of human history? Because that would boggle the mind. |
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| disaster averted (for now) |
[Feb. 19th, 2009|05:21 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | money | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Gbus | ] |
| [ | frequency |
| |  thankful | ] |
| [ | .mp3 |
| | 50 cent (after my chedda) | ] |
Until recently, I used to work with this amazing guy, whose name is Pasha. Pasha is brilliant, has a charming, if a bit excessively forceful, personality and he is also stunningly good looking. Not your typical software engineer at all, folks (although dear ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) pingva is also a very handsome man ... for a software engineer). Well, my chance acquaintance with Pasha saved my 401(k) from a rather unenviable demise.
Like many of you, I have placed most of my 401(k) money into a mutual fund that concentrated on emerging markets. In the past it has been a risky, but very worthwhile investment. Early last year dear Pasha advised me to move all of my money into cash. Over several lunches he painted a convincing picture of the impending financial Armageddon. Truth be told, I am a tractable man: you sell me a good story and I will do as instructed. Hence, over the past 12 months I was constantly turning towards Mecca, Jerusalem and Rome every time I heard horror stories from colleagues, friends and perfect strangers, whose 401(k) declined by staggering percentages. One guy has about $20,000 left out of more than $80,000. The other lost $120,000 in about a year. Worst part: they feel that is it too late to walk away now. I think otherwise, but I have neither the intellect nor the persuasive skills of Pashevski. Plus, I don't want the responsibility, so I tell them my story and then I shut the fuck up: man's got to know his limitations.
Dearest Pasha, if you are reading this -- thank you very much. As the fucking Dow is hitting its 6 year lows, my cash is safely tucked away in the amazing VMMXX. By the time I will need my 401(k), I hope to be pouring my beloved wife her umbrella drinks on some exotic beach, collecting 20 percent (compounded and adjusted for inflation). And still thanking Pashusha -- the man, the myth and the legend, who liberated, extricated, delivered and redeemed a fellow P.
Oh, and I would like to extend a huge fuck you very much to the so many talking heads in the media who, not knowing their asses from their elbows, remained "cautiously optimistic" and cost millions of gullible investors untold billions in savings. |
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| fuck crisis, let's dance©omami |
[Feb. 3rd, 2009|04:36 pm] |
Happy birthday, dear sashha!
So, I know this guy Victor. Victor came here a long time ago, made his money in the Internet bubble, had three kids and now works as a senior account manager, pushing SaaS (software-as-a-service, for the non-technical folks amongst you). He is happily remarried to a younger Chinese lady with huge boobs and a $50,000* smile. Life is good for old Victor, but he is always looking for new angles. What I love about this guy is the fact that he knows how to make money. What’s even better, watching him make money is like watching Cirque du Soleil – it looks easy, almost effortless, but there is noway for you to pull it off.
Here is his latest scheme: as many of you know, dear Chinese economy is about to go boom. Their real estate market is tanking like the fucking Titanic, minus the overweight (yet, so adorable) Kate Winslett. The affluent middle and upper classes need to do something with the cash they have accumulated in the fat years. Shit, what is there to do? Invest in rubles? Acquire gold? Oh, wait – I know! How about gobble up some of that foreclosed property in Northern California. HeLlA nOrCaL has it all: pleasant climate, high tech industry, outstanding universities and educated, tolerant and diverse population.**
Conveniently, the Chinese wife in question sports not only a pair of 34 double Deltas, but also comes with a California real estate license. And she speaks Mandarin and Cantonese. Need I continue?
Bottom line: Victor has set up an office, whereby interested investors come to the US, go look at properties, pay for it in cash, he also sets them up with tenants, who will be renting said property and wait until the new generation is ready to come over from China and go to your Stanfords and Berkeleys.
Last week he closed his first Russian customer.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
*Estimated.
**If reading this makes you want to move here, please don’t – we have earthquakes and gays. Oh, and too many people just like you already live here. |
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| помогите советом |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|07:55 pm] |
Уважаемые, мне очень нужен незатейливый велосипед для езды по городу. Никаких рекордов я ставить не собираюсь - мне бы проехать километров 50 по асфальтированной дороге. Очень важна одна деталь - мне необходимо преодолевать резкие подъёмы, которые в изобилии водятся в Сан-Франциско.
Выбрал пока себе Trek FX 7.2. Стоит он смешные $470. Есть ли лучшее соотношение цены-качества в пределе $700? Спасибо. |
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| i am madeinmoscow and i approve of this message |
[Oct. 22nd, 2008|09:17 am] |
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| the magnificent seven |
[Oct. 2nd, 2008|01:02 pm] |
The purpose of my next non-business trip to Europe will be to investigate the possibilities of securing a citizenship of another country, so my family will be able to choose where to live. Because I can feel that this country's economy will go boom sometime very soon.
I am considering the following countries (possibly, in that order):
Monaco
Lichtenstein
Luxembourg
Andorra
Norway
Iceland
Switzerland
Any other ideas? No Islamic fundamentalist Qatar or Kuwait and no fucking Cayman Islands or BVI tropical paradises in the middle of nowhere. And no communist Hong Kong either.
I need peaceful, rich and reasonably close to excellent educational institutions for the many babies we want to have. Thank you!
PS And please don't steal my list: I don't need extra competition. Dear Andorra has some 71,822 citizens and I think they have room for only 3 more. |
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| treason |
[Oct. 1st, 2008|05:29 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | economics | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | gbus | ] |
| [ | frequency |
| |  mayday, mayday, mayday | ] |
| [ | .mp3 |
| | metallica (and justice for all) | ] |
Please help me understand the upcoming unmitigated disaster that is about to befall us: our government wants you to pay $700 billion to support failed business, a lot of which is foreign debt on foreign property. This, in turn, will dump the value of the US dollar, taking even more money out of your pocket.
Are you fucking kidding me right now? They want to take money we do not even have (they will raise the cash by selling US treasury paper, which means that they will borrow more money from China) and pay for the poor business decisions of foreign (and domestic) bankers? Fuck that -- first we need to fix University Avenue -- the very street I ride every day to and from work: it is full of potholes. Or, maybe, just maybe, pay off some of that $10 trillion national debt (and that's trillion with a T) that we somehow managed to rack up. And let the "unfortunate market conditions" grind all those assholes with $2mil mortgages and their worthless $200K business school loans into fine dust.
Let me recap: our dear federal budget is $3 trillion, the total tax receipts are $2.5 trillion and going down, down, down. Thus, our annual budget deficit is going to explode from $500 billion to $1 trillion. Also, the entire Iraq war has been put on the credit card and that is no small change, folks: $3 trillion. So, what are we gonna buy us for $4 trillion? Let's see: busted up foreign mortgages and some death and destruction thousands of miles away.
Bottom line: if our insane government thinks that their treasonous bailout is the best plan they can come up with, I would like to get the tens of thousands of dollars I have paid last year alone in taxes back, so I can fix this awful mess one pair of American-made True Religion Jeans at a time. Fuckers!
I have never written my congressional representatives before, but I think I will just go ahead and make an exception on this one. And if you agree with me, I encourage you to do the same. Please help! |
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| get your obama on ($12) |
[Sep. 26th, 2008|10:42 am] |
 Please feel free to consider donating to "a huge campaign to register 500,000 young Obama voters in swing states before Election Day," by clicking on the picture. The t-shirt is only $12 (including shipping and handling). Thanks! |
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| you all have a nice weekend now |
[Sep. 19th, 2008|07:22 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | tgif | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | gbus | ] |
| [ | frequency |
| |  sleepy | ] |
I do not know who or why this is. I just think it's awesome.
Even if it made me throw up in my mouth a little. |
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| the fire of my loins (60mpg jihad) |
[Sep. 11th, 2008|10:09 pm] |
2010 Honda Insight Hybrid. I am not a huge environmentalist, I just really hate Saudi Arabia. |
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| покажите где здесь цимес |
[Sep. 5th, 2008|08:31 am] |
Билл Гейтс помогает Джерри Сайенфельду пеарить Майкрософт.Оба выглядят несколько несуразно (я правильно перевел awkward?). |
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