soul brother

one mississippi, two mississippi ...

We have missed the annual New Year corporate party on account of our beloved Alice hiding my wallet ... again. She likes to take mission-critical items (i.e. keys, cell phones, wallets) and hide them throughout the house, often in hard-to-find places (e.g. casseroles in cupboards, buckets in closets, etc.).

This time it was particularly painful - we went shopping for sexy evening clothes for Nadia, got a babysitter and were very much looking forward to seeing my colleagues, some of whom Nadia would be meeting for the first time.

Yes, we do try to put our gear in hard-to-reach places, but our precious Alice is quite the climber. And I have a confession to make: I was very close to water-boarding the tyke last night, because I knew she hid it. I do not normally lose wallets -- I am disciplined and I pay attention to detail.

Yet, there is a bit of fatherly pride at play here, folks. The fact that my dear girl could surreptitiously climb on top of something that is twice her height, grabbing what is essential to us and hiding it in an inconspicuous place, without us noticing it, bring tears to my eyes. This is some clandestine, 160th SOAR (A), work here. If we can only teach her how to use the bathroom, sky is the limit.
soul brother

public service announcement

Folks, do you know how many of you have sent me the link to this story? Well, many. Too many. So, I feel the need to clarify:

1. I cannot be responsible for all the crazy things that Armenians do.
2. I am not particularly interested in Armenians.
3. I do not read, write or speak Armenian.
4. I have been to Armenia only once, when I was 6 years old.

Thank you so much and please have a great day.
soul brother

mommy

My Mommy came to help us with the baby and we took her to work. While we were waiting for dinner, she saw a piano and did what she always does when she sees a piano. You can see a litte bit of Alice and Nadia's legs. Why do I think that you will care? I have no idea.
soul brother

i am looking for a business analyst for my team

As a Contract Business Analyst, you will be working with multiple stakeholders across Google Enterprise to define impactful metrics and analyze data in order to make better business decisions, enabling Google to become more sophisticated in our approach to increasing our market penetration for Enterprise products. You will be responsible for translating data into meaningful interpretations and recommendations and then implementing process improvements. The metrics and analyses you develop will serve as a key input in strategic planning and decision-making for growth for Google Enterprise products.

Responsibilities:
1. Partner with Product, Sales and Operations stakeholders to provide insightful analysis to drive sales growth.
2. Develop key metrics for each product and set up evaluation and reporting infrastructure.
3. Forecast sales goal attainment.
4. Perform data cleansing/data improvement tasks.
5. Pull and model data in order to create quantitative models including forecast, operational, financial and statistical models of business dynamics.
6. Implement process improvements.

Requirements:
1. BA/BS preferred with a strong academic record and at least three years of work experience.
2. In-depth experience analyzing data and creating reports with strong Excel, statistical, quantitative modeling and forecasting skills.
3. Proven experience in identifying opportunities for business improvement, and defining and measuring the success of those initiatives.
4. Ability to pull data from multiple sources (or strong willingness to learn). Experience with data mining preferred.
5. SQL, VBA, MS Access skills a plus.

Please send resumes to asoyan@google.com. Thanks!